Paula Rhone-Adrien wanted to be a barrister or an astronaut. She chose the Bar, but still ended up exploring uncharted territory. A leading family law barrister who experienced homelessness in her twenties, Paula became The Times Lawyer of the Week and a powerful voice for diversity. A 3rd Dan Black Belt in Tang Soo Do, media personality, and mother of three, she stepped into the spotlight during lockdown to help domestic abuse survivors when the courts closed. Her advice? "Trust yourself; be bold; and be fearless."
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Paula Rhone-Adrien
The answers to our problems are somewhere out there and I would need to adventure beyond the understanding of my world to help others. I am excited by the unknown, the cerebral challenge of being confronted by a new frontier, helping others overcome their own fears. The emotional wilderness a client experiences could have enveloped them in a concrete jungle or feel like expanding darkness...either way they need support to survive this new journey and I feel able to help.
That the Barristers are only in it for the money. Family Law Barristers are not millionaires. As self employed practitioners, we ostensibly do the job before we get paid and then wait...and wait...and wait to be paid, sometimes not receiving sums at all, in the meantime racking up debts. We really do love our job, we couldn't do it unless we did.
Fortunately there were many moments when I thought "I can't give up now"! Life is funny, peculiar as opposed to haha! It tests your allegiance to the dreams and aspirations you hold so dearly, waiting to see if you will crack, and when you don't, out of nowhere a wave of relief effortlessly washes you inland, many miles in from the coastline you had been treacherously making your way along. My advice to younger me is easy: trust yourself; be bold; and be fearless!
Ha! Why stop at one, I have so many. I love exercise, sometimes by myself sometimes in a group setting; being with my girlfriends who are a fierce yet comforting group. Finally, dancing... could be in the Tesco aisle or a sticky carpeted nightclub... once I hear a beat I'm lost in my own world of happiness.
Other than ensuring you're complying with your respective code of conduct, love yourself and all the perfect imperfections that are you... once you're able to truly do that you'll realise that getting your voice out there is not about likes, but supporting a community.
My mother and my mother in law. The first because I owe her everything and would host the dinner in honour of her; the second because she knows everything about everyone, we would always have something to discuss. Third, Paul Goulding KC of Blackstone Chambers, he knows the positive reasons why and I will never tire of reminding him. My fourth and fifth guests come as a pair: Chris Rock and Jackie Chan, if you know, you know! :-)
That life is more important than any "thing", and living another day means another opportunity to make things right.
At the time it meant more for my family who only saw me tired, or stressed. It's hard for those outside of the law to understand the direct impact you have on clients as it's obviously inappropriate to speak about your cases, so winning this award was a window into my world which they could read about and understand. On a personal level I think I had been treated very poorly by some of the other professionals on that case, so it was a professional comfort for me to receive such a renowned accolade.
Retaining a professional position when you actually really like the client! I've spent years and years with some clients, they sometimes return, I have watched some children grow, in any other circumstance we would have been friends, but of course we cannot. Some ex-clients do reach out on social media to update me on how they are, which is lovely, but ultimately I'm a part of their past and that's how it should be.
That it's so easy they can do it all on their own. There's a reason why I studied so hard and for so long. Whilst much of the law has opened up to someone being able to represent themselves, in certain cases it would be disastrous and in all cases, at the very minimum, you should get legal advice first.
That every two years, judges should spend three months representing clients... of course judges are human and so forget the realities of who a client is due to the distance they sit from them and the advocates. Bringing judges back into the realm where decisions actually have impact, in my opinion, could have the affect of reducing appeals as we look to a more collaborative outcome for families.
So I don't tire of this, it is what it is, what I tire of is noticing that I am othered when I walk in a room. More often than not I don't even notice, it is only when it is brought to my attention: I'm either told or made to feel uncomfortable, that I notice. I'm bewildered when this happens and have to remind myself that racism has nothing to do with intelligence, nor how expensive your education was, but purely a result of your ignorance.
It's not a you problem, it's definitely a them problem ...don't take it to heart.
Ha! Good question... for me the problem always was not talking about it. I was too scared too. I know others who didn't wish to rock the boat. So whilst talking about it might seem a minor gesture, the more we talk, the more we learn and confront or previously held views. I applaud the Bar Council for not shying away from these conversations.
Blissful ignorance!!! Or... .accepting that from as far back as I can remember I knew the clock was ticking (sometimes softly, sometimes a piercing bleep) and therefore I couldn't hang around waiting, I just needed to reach out and grab the passing shooting star.
Lockdown! I know it sounds cliched, but it's true. I am a child survivor of domestic abuse. When the family courts closed for three weeks and I couldn't speak to my clients I was desperate. I was terrified of social media and everyone in my circle who I spoke to told me to stay off. Of course I ignored them and started posting videos on how survivors of abuse could keep themselves and their children safe during this unprecedented time. I posted videos to men, to women, those in the LGBTQ+ community, disabled people... anyone. The media picked up on this... and the rest is history.
Thank you!! When I first commenced practice, I was made to feel very much an outsider. I was a Jamaican immigrant, lovingly adopted by the East End. I left my cockney accent behind in an attempt to fit in. I straightened my Afro hair and tried my best to look like a white male... I obviously failed! It took me ages to realise that what made me special was me, what was "good" about me, was me. What made me a success at the Bar, was me... not me pretending to be someone else. When you find your authentic voice, people start to hear you. So yes, it was a conscious effort to revert to me...I took too long to work that out!
We don't cope...we get by, as so many others have to. I was hoping lockdown would have taught us how important family and friends are, but I see that way of thinking is being swiftly replaced by a return to long hours and head in hands stress. We must be bolder at recognising when we have reached the step before our limit... that this is the time to take a break and to not feel guilty for that.
I've only discovered "self care" in the last year or so, turning 50 has really helped... and the kids repeatedly saying I'm half a century! I really, really make time for myself now in a way I would have felt guilty about before. I try to be kind to myself, in the same way I would be kind to my loved ones and when I'm giving advice to a friend I have a rule that I have to abide by it too... try it, it's really tough!!! :-)
So it's not really advice, more a common thread from the ones who have stayed with me... and even as I write this I become emotional... they say I listened to them... and I'm remembering mostly clients who have "lost"... that someone listening aided the healing process for them.
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